Why certain ad campaigns never ran in a parallel universe.

“While I appreciate the effort, I’m not sure we should
be using such strongly macho imagery. It might turn off our female smokers.
They’re at least half of our market. Can’t we put in a model who represents our
female target market in the ad? The landscapes look nice though. Still, we also
have to remember that many people who smoke our product live in urban areas. Why
don’t we do one ad showing both men and women having a good time smoking in the
outdoors, and another one showing them in a relaxed city setting, you know, like
a cafe…”

– Marlboro client in
Parallel Universe #54039

“This is a
great campaign. We can’t fail with celebrity endorsers. And your choice of
sports superstars is excellent. We just have one tiny concern with the tagline
and then the campaign’s a go. (I’m sure it’s easy to rewrite.) It’s just that
the tagline doesn’t say anything about our product benefit. We want it to say
something about technology and performance, you know, really bring out the
quality of the product. That’s what we think will sell. ‘Just do it,’ well, it’s
catchy, but any sports brand can say

– Nike client in
Parallel Universe #11092

“We don’t have a lot of advertising
money, you know that. So it’s important that we have appetizing shots of the
product, to remind them it tastes good. And maybe show people, healthy people of
all ages, drinking the product, to dramatize the benefit. We don’t want to
alienate anyone. You’re right, kids are our primary market, but we feel we could
use some growth in the older age groups, so maybe we could put a shot of a happy
family (including kids) sitting around the table drinking their milk. We just
think that showing other food products, like this one – it’s a chocolate chip
cookie, right? – will just remind people that they want cookies, but not that
they want to drink milk. We don’t want to be advertising for other products. We
already told you we don’t have much money and the milk producers would
definitely want to get their money’s worth. The tagline’s great, though. ‘Got
Milk?’ is short and memorable. We just think it’ll work better if you actually
show people drinking milk, you know, people who got

– California Milk
Processor Board client in Parallel Universe #28308