Life According to Google.

Why bother with horoscopes and psychic hotlines? The Google search box contains all the crowdsourced, search engine marketer-manipulated mysteries of the universe.

It tells me what I want. (Mostly song lyrics. Plus death.)

Google: I want to

It tells me what today will be. (Lyrical. And better. I swear.)

Google: today will be

It tells me what tomorrow will be.

Google: tomorrow will be

And because in the real-time web all timelines are compressed, I don’t have to wait until tomorrow. I can find out tonight. (Thank heavens tomorrow and tonight agree that they will be fine.)

Google: tonight will be

No wonder life is great. Not to mention awesome. (If Google results were people, 3 out of 4 people have great plus awesome lives! Good on you!)

Google: my life is

Really, some of that love and awesomeness should go out to the social networking services. They always seem to be down.

Google: facebook is

Google: twitter is

Google: myspace is

Google: friendster is

Google: linkedin is

Multiply is so down it only has two results, and one isn’t about Multiply.

Google: multiply is

Maybe if they spent their time helping people get what they want, they would feel fulfilled and awesome too.  (One can only hope that these results aren’t in chronological order.)

Google: how to get

Or give people the answers to life’s most important questions. (I think I could sleep so much more peacefully if I knew why it was called Bluetooth.)

Google: why is

Google: what is

The meta-Google question, of course, is what happens when you google Google.  Can you trust Google with your life?

Google: google is

Why not, when 700 million results say Google is your friend? Just 600 million more and that matches the population of Mainland China.