And on the 20th month…

People have been enthusing, “You look so mommy!” at me
the past week. My shorter hair contributes to this impression, on top of my
even-more protruding stomach. I am waiting for the day when my navel will pop
into an outie instead of an innie – my tummy skin is so stretched it just might

I’ve learned that I don’t get
paid a salary during maternity leave. I figure it’s because the Family Code (or
the Labor Code) assumes that I have a husband who will support the infant and
myself after birth. The only assurance I’m supposed to get is that I’ll have a
job to return to. Is it only I who think this is discriminatory? Our finance
officer says that I can get my SSS benefits, but that if I also get paid a
salary, it means double compensation, which isn’t allowed.

So my thoughts have turned to how to
generate extra income (and Belly booty!) over the next months. I

a) Post naked preggy videos on
pay-per-view sites, and artistically stream milk over my inflated

b) Sell my pre-pregnancy

c) Start listing my jewelry on eBay
or other sites again;

d) Charge 5 pesos for
every grammar-related question I get asked (is it it’s or

e) Start selling handmade soap and other
bath geegaws again;

f) Invent something really
useful, like a portable personality modifier that zaps away the degenerate extra
Y chromosomes that supposedly induce criminality, rudeness and bad wardrobe

g) Have sex with an alien (preferably
a silicon-based life form) and sell the video rights to

h) Write a column about my haphazard
single pregnancy- and motherhood and be paid 2 cents every sentence if I’m

i) Pretend to have had a religious
visitation, start a cult, and ask for

Any other ideas are welcome.