I subvert a Maxpedition knife collector’s bag into a pen carrier.

Maxpedition doesn’t make bags. They make carrying tools wrought from 1,000 denier lightweight ballistic nylon fabric, AS-100 high-grade closed cell foam padding material for superior shock protection, high tensile strength composite nylon webbing, triple-distilled ink of Kraken and the heartsblood of dragons.

Maxpedition knife collector's bag
Maxpedition knife collector's bag

I got their knife collector’s bag because I was curious to see if it would carry pens. The bag is meant for “connoisseurs of fine cutlery,” which makes me think more Oneida and less Spyderco. When it arrived, I poked it with a stick to see if it would bite. When it seemed safe to approach, I opened it.

Windowed inserts
Windowed inserts

Inside, it has windowed inserts for small folders, large folders, small fixed blades, and lightsabers (off). It also has a CCW compartment with a D-ring pull for fast deployment, although I cannot for the life of me see how anything inside this bag can be concealed carry for long, because the Velcro closures scream like wrestlers getting a full back wax every time I try to open a pocket.

Side view
Side view

Each window can hold two large-bodied pens, or three thin (think 1920s eyedropper) pens. Aloof, taciturn pens can have their own window. An elastic band-flap keeps the pens from sliding out.

Interior organizers
Interior organizers

Other pockets can be used to transport gold bricks, vital organs and A4 folders (of the paper persuasion).

Concealed carry notebooks (CCN)
Concealed carry notebooks (CCN)

Unfortunately for my frame, the bag weighs exactly what you’d expect a manly bag to weigh. This is a bag for Superman.

In all its closed cell foam padded glory
In all its closed cell foam padded glory

I used it for all of 2 days, then I packed it away. I do not deserve this bag. I am a deluded wimp for even thinking I could lift it for the few steps I take from the car to the office. Simply opening one of the Velcro-sealed front pockets requires the same effort as lifting a kettlebell, with ten times the screech. I can depend on this bag in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Hell, I could probably eat it to survive. But for now, my pens are back inside standard pen cases, carried in a standard non-ballistic bag.