So Spotlight couldn’t find results. It creeped me out. I searched “the” and it said “no results found.” The.
What creeped me out further was Finder not finding anything.
This was like all the radio stations suddenly ceasing broadcast, the dead blankness on people’s faces right before the missiles launch themselves into the sky, my phone hanging but looking for all the world like it was still working.
Thanks to a Terminal tip, the world is safe once more.